Some new things

 I've been leaning into a couple new habits, very slowly and still inconsistently. My phone broke 9 days ago and I am still phoneless. In the interim I have adopted the use of a small notebook I won as a prize at my cousin's bridal shower. In it I write ideas, prayers, thoughts, and fragments. (The protagonist of the book I am reading-- Ocean in the World-- has a little book that he writes "fragments" in, and I loved the sound of that.)   

I've also been consciously moving and praying and breathing more. I was just re-reading some old blog posts I've written on here. One in 2020 said something about how God made me a "move-r around-er." This is still very true! Tomorrow the theme of Nora's gym class is something about modeling courageous movement to your kids, and I am seriously excited about balancing on that balance beam, pointing my toes, flexing my muscles, and pretending to be a gymnast. I sigh and think "in another life..." BUT if I keep moving and keep learning, I can move and fly. This IS the life, baby. 

I have a couple of 15 minute breaks at work that I can use to smoke if I want. I don't smoke, but I still use those breaks. Today mid morning I went outside, and because, ya know, I'm phone-less, I sat on an east-facing bench, with my hands in my lap. With full morning sun in my face and maintenance workers conversing animatedly to my left, I challenged myself to relax all my weight into the bench and take three deep breaths. My mind probably wandered during 1.5 of those breaths, but still. It was relaxing. 

And all of these things are so much more than relaxing. They remind me that I don't spin the world on its axis. Which sounds heretical... because it is. I am not God. I am but dust. Dust that God has called worthy and in which he sees His image. I am at the mercy of Him, and I can breathe deeply knowing that keeping everything going (and I do mean everything) is not up to me. Thank you, God.